Tuesday, August 26

The Please Fuck Off You Don’t Deserve To Play For Manchester United List

1996. Sunday night in late October. I was 10.

It was some girl’s Bat Mitzvah. Some family friend or something. Can’t remember who.

I was with my parents, and their friend Howard - the dad of a friend of mine - told me Manchester United had lost 5-0 to Newcastle just before.

I laughed a lot. Didn’t believe him. Thought he was simply kidding. The whole night, I thought it was a joke. I didn’t even think about it after he told me. Cos it was such a ridiculous thing to say.

Then, went home. Discovered he wasn’t joking. Cried, shock, how the?!

That kind of gasp at seeing United lose by such a ridiculous result was, luckily, a rare occurrence over the last 20 years. It happened, but only once every few years.

We’ve just lost 4-0 to Milton Keynes Dons. After finishing 7th. Despite having a new manager. Despite us being Manchester United and they being Milton fucking Keynes.

I trust LVG. It’s just not his fault. Yes, we shouldn’t be playing three at the fucking back. But it’s his third game. He is still figuring out the lay of the land.

Here is a list of players who I want to leave, in order of who I hate the most. I call it the Please Fuck Off You Don’t Deserve To Play For Manchester United list:


I hope and pray that at least one of these overpaid, undeserving twats leaves before next Monday. Otherwise, the memory of that Sunday night in October 1996 really will start to fade. :-(