Wednesday, December 9

Who The Fuck Was I Kidding?



I thought I was ready. I wrote, on September 14, 2014, that "it's time for a new Manchester United and a new identity".

I was even prepared for a United that may or may not "blood homegrown youth as much, play fast and attacking football, or score late winners with a never-say-die attitude".

... But who the fuck was I kidding?

When God retired in May 2013, we should have ensured these traditions were kept. Laid in stone. Put on the fucking wall in Ed Woodward's office.

But, somehow, we fucked up. I don't know if it was a consequence of the baffling Moyes era, Ferguson and Gill departing at once, so many seniors leaving in one summer.

Somehow, when employing Louis van Gaal to take charge of United in May 2014, we forgot to ask: 'Hey, do you mind playing the United way a bit?'

We looked at his record, thought: 'Yeah, he's managed some big clubs. He seems alright'. I was excited. I loved the way he fucked off that journalist before he was even given the job.

"What do you know about Manchester United?" asked some BBC moron.

"That is a stupid question, I think," replied Louis, nodding his fierce eyes at the journo. "The biggest club of the world. 'What do you know about Manchester United?' Sorry."

That bite reminded me of Ferguson. I loved the sense of authority, the arrogance.

But here we are, December 2015, in the fucking Europa League. With only ourselves to blame.

This is not a nice feeling. In context, in the post-SAF transition, it doesn't look that bad.

Post-SAF 1: 7th and losing to Bayern in the UCL quarter-finals. Sack Moyes, mainly cos he's clearly not up to it.

Post-SAF 2: 4th and back in the UCL. Just.

Post-SAF 3: Nearly halfway through the season, competing for the title... lose in the UCL group stage. It's not pretty, but it's true it could be worse.

It was always going to take a few years to get over SAF's departure. If I'm being honest, I don't mind that - anything to show him as God to the world.

But, as I said before, we have changed too much.

To get back to where we were, we need to instil his traditions again. The ones that made us United. I want more last-minute winners, more attacking football, more homegrown youth - but at the right times, not Nick Powell coming on for Juan Mata in the 69th minute of the biggest game since SAF left.

It was an easy-enough group. We should have beaten PSV at home, that's where we lost it. It's ironic that our defence, one factor which Van Gaal has greatly improved, fucked us over by conceding so quickly after we scored.

And this is Van Gaal's biggest failure yet. If he doesn't get the Top 3, I wouldn't be that surprised if he goes.

But... I don't want him gone. Don't get me wrong. I don't want to be that club that sacks their managers every season, season-and-a-half, and he has done some good.

But I do wish he wouldn't just sit there, chalking on his fucking clipboard for 90 minutes, while his team are wishing away the biggest game of his United career.

And I do wish that when we played PSV at home two weeks ago, we would have gone out in that second half, motivated to qualify, having been bollocked in the changing room.

I just... I want to see United again. "Time for a new identity"? Really, who the fuck was I kidding?