Saturday, February 6


I hate Ed Woodward. Ok, maybe he’s a good bloke, maybe he donates half his wages to the NSPCC or something. But - as the CEO of Manchester United - I fucking hate him.

In fact, I’ve hated him for a while. I wrote a post about all the things he’d done wrong when he was a year into the job.

But if we appoint Jose Mourinho as the next manager of Manchester United, I will hate him even more.

As much as the man in charge of the football - Louis van Gaal - doesn’t understand what United is, the man in charge of the club knows even little.

He might be a good marketer, signing soul-selling commercial deals day after day with kangaroo food brands in Korea. (Although, how hard can it be to slut the world’s biggest club out to every fucking hitchhiker with an audience?)

But as the man who sacked Moyes to the media before the poor bloke knew himself, who prostitutes United’s good name to every world-class player that’s just had a row with their manager, who briefs journalists at every nook and cranny to prove he’s on top of things, who was too scared to sack van Gaal when he really should have… he’s a disgrace to the role and should resign in apology.

But now there’s this. Jose Mourinho.

Of course Mourinho’s a great manager. You’d be stupid to deny that. But just because Weetos is a great cereal, doesn’t mean it should be served in porcelain.

Mourinho is not a United manager. He makes everything about him, he’s got no fucking class and he doesn’t promote youth.

Putting him in charge would drive United further away from the classic, traditional mould established by Busby and Ferguson, and bang into the cheap materialism set forth by the oil money clubs like City and Chelsea.

Simply hiring him to compete for trophies because the noisy neighbours just appointed their latest frontman is insane. It shows a lack of respect for United’s history and an utter bearhug to mercenary heaven.

After Ferguson left, United should have stuck his laws on the fucking wall and made sure they stayed there forever. ’Never say die’, ‘Free-flowing attack-minded football’, ‘Promote youth’, ‘Influence refs’, ‘Don’t tell the media everything’, ‘Keep the egos in check’, etc.

But United have already changed way too much under van Gaal, and instead of behaving more like a club who knows itself and wants to return to a civilised identity, we’re now going backwards because of Woodward’s - and it is Woodward - money-grubbing recklessness.

Please, Mr Glazers. Sack this cunt and give me my club back. :-(