Sunday, September 14

Manchester United Has Lost Its Identity; Now Let's Forge A New One

The first thing I did the morning we signed Falcao was, like every morning, check my Twitter timeline. I scrolled up from sudden reports we were being linked to him, to confirmation we agreed a fee.

I was excited, of course. Didn't expect it... But, if I'm being honest, I also had this strange feeling underneath my delight. 'This doesn't feel like United, we're signing all these world-class players.'

It was a new feeling; one I'd never experienced in my 23 years as a fan. I was so delighted so many of my most-hated list were off elsewhere, especially Cleverley and Welbeck.

But I didn't expect both Di Maria and Falcao to join. I don't ever remember us buying so much talent in one window.

I like it. It's how we should be reacting to finishing 7th, no question.

But at the same time, suddenly we're joining the same dining table as City and Chelsea, and spending our arses off to compete. We're still unique in that we weren't pushed to create history through oil money, but we are attracting mercenary stars to go the distance.

We also have a foreign manager now, for the first time in history. I really like LVG; it'll just take time to get used to someone not British in charge.

But all of this mess had to happen.

We had to finish 7th, as one last tribute to the Greatest Manager Ever. We had to sack the man he hired. We had to rid the deadwood. And we had to dig deep into our pockets in order to get back on track.

It's time for a new Manchester United and a new identity.

I'm excited.

I don't know if this one will blood homegrown youth as much, play fast and attacking football, or score late winners with a never-say-die attitude.

But I do know Ferguson will still be in the stands, Charlton next to him, and Giggs will be on the touchline.

And I do know that it wants to win trophies. That's something I've only ever known my United to do.

Now let's bring the fucking sun. :-)

Tuesday, September 2

Update Update: The Please Fuck Off You Don’t Deserve To Play For Manchester United List

Cleverley: GONE. This isn't personal. I don't know the guy, obviously. He's probably a very nice person and good human being. This is footballing only, and he's not good enough for United. It's sad, like Welbeck, in that Academy kids haven't quite excelled on their promise and have to move on. But if they were good enough, they would get in the team. There will be another Beckham/Giggs/Scholes/Neville one day, of course, but that whole shebang was a freak and it'll never happen again. Maybe it'll be James Wilson, maybe it'll be someone else in 10 years' time.

Update: The Please Fuck Off You Don’t Deserve To Play For Manchester United List

So, what happened to my Please Fuck Off You Don’t Deserve To Play For Manchester United List?

Cleverley: STILL HERE. The one I'm most upset about. Good luck in the reserves, Tom. :-(

Hernandez: GONE to Real Madrid, from one bench to another. :-D

Welbeck: GONE to Arsenal, and you couldn't make it up! :-D

Young: STILL HERE. How the fuck he managed to trick LVG, I don't know. :-(

Kagawa: GONE back to Dortmund. Shame it didn't work out. :-D

Anderson: STILL HERE. Yeah, cos we were gonna get rid of this one, weren't we? :-(

Fellaini: STILL HERE. Yeah, cos we were gonna get rid of this one, weren't we? :-(

3 out of 7 ain't bad, huh?

Tuesday, August 26

The Please Fuck Off You Don’t Deserve To Play For Manchester United List

1996. Sunday night in late October. I was 10.

It was some girl’s Bat Mitzvah. Some family friend or something. Can’t remember who.

I was with my parents, and their friend Howard - the dad of a friend of mine - told me Manchester United had lost 5-0 to Newcastle just before.

I laughed a lot. Didn’t believe him. Thought he was simply kidding. The whole night, I thought it was a joke. I didn’t even think about it after he told me. Cos it was such a ridiculous thing to say.

Then, went home. Discovered he wasn’t joking. Cried, shock, how the?!

That kind of gasp at seeing United lose by such a ridiculous result was, luckily, a rare occurrence over the last 20 years. It happened, but only once every few years.

We’ve just lost 4-0 to Milton Keynes Dons. After finishing 7th. Despite having a new manager. Despite us being Manchester United and they being Milton fucking Keynes.

I trust LVG. It’s just not his fault. Yes, we shouldn’t be playing three at the fucking back. But it’s his third game. He is still figuring out the lay of the land.

Here is a list of players who I want to leave, in order of who I hate the most. I call it the Please Fuck Off You Don’t Deserve To Play For Manchester United list:


I hope and pray that at least one of these overpaid, undeserving twats leaves before next Monday. Otherwise, the memory of that Sunday night in October 1996 really will start to fade. :-(

Saturday, August 16

Poem: The One With The Bad Season

Very blessed last 20 years. Ridiculously blessed. Wow. Saw everything. Moscow. Wow. Thought of supporting another never crossed my mind. Once United, that was it. Didn’t even think about it. Would I have if we weren’t so successful? Maybe. Not sure. Can’t ever say. Was too young. I reckon, once hit something like 8/9, no. But didn’t even cross my mind. Remember Barca 0-4 thing. But my mind was complexed. I was 8. But I didn’t change. We were successful and I lapped it up. Big time. Everything. But last season. Jesus. I wasn’t there. I didn’t go. I was travelling the world. First time in possibly a decade I didn’t go once and first time ain’t used ST for 7 years. Crazy how that worked out. Unfair that football will never really change the spectrum, you know. It is. That’s true. But it’s the way it is. I can’t help growing up in this era, or supporting my boys in first place. We should always be up there. It’s our god-fucking-given right. We should. We’re not a true money club like City or Chelsea. Last season as bad as it’ll ever get. We won’t finish outside Top 4 for years. Really think that. Feels fucking horrible but I wasn’t there - post-SAF season. Not gonna feel bad about Utd success. I’m supposed to support them. And that we did 7th, we sacked the boss and spent millions on world-fucking-class. That’s United. They make me so happy. So many happy memories. So many to come. We won’t go through 8 years of turbulence or 24 years of nothing. No chance. We are Manchester United, we had the bad season and I’ll be back in August for the re. I am so fucking lucky to support Manchester United. Bring on the sun. Always bring the fucking sun. :-)