Tuesday, August 26

The Please Fuck Off You Don’t Deserve To Play For Manchester United List

1996. Sunday night in late October. I was 10.

It was some girl’s Bat Mitzvah. Some family friend or something. Can’t remember who.

I was with my parents, and their friend Howard - the dad of a friend of mine - told me Manchester United had lost 5-0 to Newcastle just before.

I laughed a lot. Didn’t believe him. Thought he was simply kidding. The whole night, I thought it was a joke. I didn’t even think about it after he told me. Cos it was such a ridiculous thing to say.

Then, went home. Discovered he wasn’t joking. Cried, shock, how the?!

That kind of gasp at seeing United lose by such a ridiculous result was, luckily, a rare occurrence over the last 20 years. It happened, but only once every few years.

We’ve just lost 4-0 to Milton Keynes Dons. After finishing 7th. Despite having a new manager. Despite us being Manchester United and they being Milton fucking Keynes.

I trust LVG. It’s just not his fault. Yes, we shouldn’t be playing three at the fucking back. But it’s his third game. He is still figuring out the lay of the land.

Here is a list of players who I want to leave, in order of who I hate the most. I call it the Please Fuck Off You Don’t Deserve To Play For Manchester United list:


I hope and pray that at least one of these overpaid, undeserving twats leaves before next Monday. Otherwise, the memory of that Sunday night in October 1996 really will start to fade. :-(

Saturday, August 16

Poem: The One With The Bad Season

Very blessed last 20 years. Ridiculously blessed. Wow. Saw everything. Moscow. Wow. Thought of supporting another never crossed my mind. Once United, that was it. Didn’t even think about it. Would I have if we weren’t so successful? Maybe. Not sure. Can’t ever say. Was too young. I reckon, once hit something like 8/9, no. But didn’t even cross my mind. Remember Barca 0-4 thing. But my mind was complexed. I was 8. But I didn’t change. We were successful and I lapped it up. Big time. Everything. But last season. Jesus. I wasn’t there. I didn’t go. I was travelling the world. First time in possibly a decade I didn’t go once and first time ain’t used ST for 7 years. Crazy how that worked out. Unfair that football will never really change the spectrum, you know. It is. That’s true. But it’s the way it is. I can’t help growing up in this era, or supporting my boys in first place. We should always be up there. It’s our god-fucking-given right. We should. We’re not a true money club like City or Chelsea. Last season as bad as it’ll ever get. We won’t finish outside Top 4 for years. Really think that. Feels fucking horrible but I wasn’t there - post-SAF season. Not gonna feel bad about Utd success. I’m supposed to support them. And that we did 7th, we sacked the boss and spent millions on world-fucking-class. That’s United. They make me so happy. So many happy memories. So many to come. We won’t go through 8 years of turbulence or 24 years of nothing. No chance. We are Manchester United, we had the bad season and I’ll be back in August for the re. I am so fucking lucky to support Manchester United. Bring on the sun. Always bring the fucking sun. :-)

Monday, May 19

Thank You, Giggsy

To the first player I ever had on the back of my United shirt, the biggest United legend there will ever be and our future manager...

Thank you.

Sunday, May 18

Things Ed Woodard Has Done Wrong

1. The Glazers - Advising the rich Glazer family to buy Manchester United, who as a result were plunged into £600m of debt.

2. Summer 2013 - The first transfer window he was given - in which he made failed and very public attempts to sign Cesc Fabregas, Leighton Baines, Ander Herrera, Gareth Bale and Cristiano Ronaldo.

3. David Moyes - Sacking Moyes the morning after a day in which the news was already leaked to journalists, to the point that Moyes found out on social media before he was told himself.

4. Rio Ferdinand - Informing the long-serving defender that his contract would not be renewed in the dressing room after United's final game of the 2013/14 season, meaning Rio could not have any kind of sendoff with fans.

5. Sir Alex Ferguson - Managing to freeze out the biggest legend of them all from key boardroom decisions, such as the process of hiring Moyes's replacement.

6. Briefing journalists - The amount a big club like United have leaked to the press over the years has always been worrying. Understandably, it's a staff of thousands and some stuff is simply uncontrollable. But Fergie and Gill kept their transfer business generally secretive and they even rewarded the other clubs involved for doing the same. This kept a nice stability and shrewdness about United. While some info will always be uncontrollable - such as the player who leaked team news to The Mirror under Moyes - Woodward has made it his business to brief journalists about our business. This may be to unsettle players and work in our favour, but given that it is yet to work even once, it seems, I'd rather he followed the previous model and not humiliate the club so publicly.

7. - Coming soon... :-(

Ed may love the power of being 'in charge' of the world's biggest football club, but his handling of decisions and insensitivity is harming the club's image of being a big family with class.

Please, whichever Glazer has the most power, get this fuckwit out of my club.

Tuesday, April 22

I Like The Guy, But It Hurts To See Good Men Fail

"Still behind him?"

This was the message I sent a fellow red on Monday, about one hour before rumours of David Moyes's sacking started to emerge.

I wanted it to work, I really liked the guy. But something about Sunday's performance against Everton felt like the lowest of the low.

How, after having a full week further than Everton to prepare, did we look naive to the attacking threat of Coleman and Baines? Any fuckwit who half-follows the Premier League will know about those two this season.

It was just so depressing. I backed Moyes all the way, but I can't help but think it's the right decision to get rid. Business-wise, of course it's sensible.

Football-wise, it probably makes sense; he's not shown enough tactical or even mental prowess to turn things around. Is he screaming at the changing room, encouraging them? No, probably not.

Simply, it just feels too big a risk to go another season with him.

I'm really sorry to see him go and it would have been magic - a last Ferguson milestone - for it to work. But we have to accept it hasn't worked out.

He might get it right, he might get the players to perform for him. But he might not. We don't know. And that's the problem.

I don't think we've become a Tottenham or Chelsea by hiring and firing like it means nothing. 7th is just unacceptable.

I must say Ed Woodward's handling of the sacking has been yet another fuck-up. Why is he briefing journalists? He's humiliating the class of Manchester United and humiliating Moyes, and he should be ashamed. When is he going to leave?

If I was CEO, I'd have sacked Moyes on the day those cunts across the motorway get their title-cos-no-SAF-around.

Anyway, after not seeing one Utd game with Moyes in charge, I am sorry to see him go. It just hurts to see good men fail.