Monday, December 1

Albums Of 2014 - No. 15 to No. 1

1. Bombay Bicycle Club 'So Long, See You Tomorrow'

2. Alt-J 'This Is All Yours'

3. Jamie T 'Carry On the Grudge'

4. Coldplay 'Ghost Stories'

5. Lonely the Brave 'The Day's War'

6. Interpol 'El Pintor'

7. Ben Howard 'I Forget Where We Are'

8. Nick Mulvey 'First Mind'

9. The Orwells 'Disgraceland'

10. TV On The Radio 'Seeds'

11. Banks 'Goddess'

12. Matthew And The Atlas 'Other Rivers'

13. Jungle 'Jungle'

14. James Vincent McMorrow 'Post Tropical'

15. Karen O 'Crush Songs'

Albums Of 2014 - No. 30 to No. 16

16. Damon Albarn 'Everyday Robots'

17. La Roux 'Trouble in Paradise'

18. Thom Yorke 'Tomorrow's Modern Boxes'

19. Kasabian '48:13'

20. Sam Smith 'In The Lonely Hour'

21. The Black Keys 'Turn Blue'

22. Wild Beasts 'Present Tense'

23. Lana Del Rey 'Ultraviolence'

24. Elbow 'The Take Off and Landing of Everything'

25. Beck 'Morning Phase'

26. Broken Bells 'After the Disco'

27. Manchester Orchestra 'COPE'

28. Metronomy 'Love Letters'

29. Damien Rice 'My Favourite Faded Fantasy'

30. Gerard Way 'Hesitant Alien'

Sunday, September 14

Manchester United Has Lost Its Identity; Now Let's Forge A New One

The first thing I did the morning we signed Falcao was, like every morning, check my Twitter timeline. I scrolled up from sudden reports we were being linked to him, to confirmation we agreed a fee.

I was excited, of course. Didn't expect it... But, if I'm being honest, I also had this strange feeling underneath my delight. 'This doesn't feel like United, we're signing all these world-class players.'

It was a new feeling; one I'd never experienced in my 23 years as a fan. I was so delighted so many of my most-hated list were off elsewhere, especially Cleverley and Welbeck.

But I didn't expect both Di Maria and Falcao to join. I don't ever remember us buying so much talent in one window.

I like it. It's how we should be reacting to finishing 7th, no question.

But at the same time, suddenly we're joining the same dining table as City and Chelsea, and spending our arses off to compete. We're still unique in that we weren't pushed to create history through oil money, but we are attracting mercenary stars to go the distance.

We also have a foreign manager now, for the first time in history. I really like LVG; it'll just take time to get used to someone not British in charge.

But all of this mess had to happen.

We had to finish 7th, as one last tribute to the Greatest Manager Ever. We had to sack the man he hired. We had to rid the deadwood. And we had to dig deep into our pockets in order to get back on track.

It's time for a new Manchester United and a new identity.

I'm excited.

I don't know if this one will blood homegrown youth as much, play fast and attacking football, or score late winners with a never-say-die attitude.

But I do know Ferguson will still be in the stands, Charlton next to him, and Giggs will be on the touchline.

And I do know that it wants to win trophies. That's something I've only ever known my United to do.

Now let's bring the fucking sun. :-)

Tuesday, September 2

Update Update: The Please Fuck Off You Don’t Deserve To Play For Manchester United List

Cleverley: GONE. This isn't personal. I don't know the guy, obviously. He's probably a very nice person and good human being. This is footballing only, and he's not good enough for United. It's sad, like Welbeck, in that Academy kids haven't quite excelled on their promise and have to move on. But if they were good enough, they would get in the team. There will be another Beckham/Giggs/Scholes/Neville one day, of course, but that whole shebang was a freak and it'll never happen again. Maybe it'll be James Wilson, maybe it'll be someone else in 10 years' time.

Update: The Please Fuck Off You Don’t Deserve To Play For Manchester United List

So, what happened to my Please Fuck Off You Don’t Deserve To Play For Manchester United List?

Cleverley: STILL HERE. The one I'm most upset about. Good luck in the reserves, Tom. :-(

Hernandez: GONE to Real Madrid, from one bench to another. :-D

Welbeck: GONE to Arsenal, and you couldn't make it up! :-D

Young: STILL HERE. How the fuck he managed to trick LVG, I don't know. :-(

Kagawa: GONE back to Dortmund. Shame it didn't work out. :-D

Anderson: STILL HERE. Yeah, cos we were gonna get rid of this one, weren't we? :-(

Fellaini: STILL HERE. Yeah, cos we were gonna get rid of this one, weren't we? :-(

3 out of 7 ain't bad, huh?

Tuesday, August 26

The Please Fuck Off You Don’t Deserve To Play For Manchester United List

1996. Sunday night in late October. I was 10.

It was some girl’s Bat Mitzvah. Some family friend or something. Can’t remember who.

I was with my parents, and their friend Howard - the dad of a friend of mine - told me Manchester United had lost 5-0 to Newcastle just before.

I laughed a lot. Didn’t believe him. Thought he was simply kidding. The whole night, I thought it was a joke. I didn’t even think about it after he told me. Cos it was such a ridiculous thing to say.

Then, went home. Discovered he wasn’t joking. Cried, shock, how the?!

That kind of gasp at seeing United lose by such a ridiculous result was, luckily, a rare occurrence over the last 20 years. It happened, but only once every few years.

We’ve just lost 4-0 to Milton Keynes Dons. After finishing 7th. Despite having a new manager. Despite us being Manchester United and they being Milton fucking Keynes.

I trust LVG. It’s just not his fault. Yes, we shouldn’t be playing three at the fucking back. But it’s his third game. He is still figuring out the lay of the land.

Here is a list of players who I want to leave, in order of who I hate the most. I call it the Please Fuck Off You Don’t Deserve To Play For Manchester United list:


I hope and pray that at least one of these overpaid, undeserving twats leaves before next Monday. Otherwise, the memory of that Sunday night in October 1996 really will start to fade. :-(

Saturday, August 16

Poem: The One With The Bad Season

Very blessed last 20 years. Ridiculously blessed. Wow. Saw everything. Moscow. Wow. Thought of supporting another never crossed my mind. Once United, that was it. Didn’t even think about it. Would I have if we weren’t so successful? Maybe. Not sure. Can’t ever say. Was too young. I reckon, once hit something like 8/9, no. But didn’t even cross my mind. Remember Barca 0-4 thing. But my mind was complexed. I was 8. But I didn’t change. We were successful and I lapped it up. Big time. Everything. But last season. Jesus. I wasn’t there. I didn’t go. I was travelling the world. First time in possibly a decade I didn’t go once and first time ain’t used ST for 7 years. Crazy how that worked out. Unfair that football will never really change the spectrum, you know. It is. That’s true. But it’s the way it is. I can’t help growing up in this era, or supporting my boys in first place. We should always be up there. It’s our god-fucking-given right. We should. We’re not a true money club like City or Chelsea. Last season as bad as it’ll ever get. We won’t finish outside Top 4 for years. Really think that. Feels fucking horrible but I wasn’t there - post-SAF season. Not gonna feel bad about Utd success. I’m supposed to support them. And that we did 7th, we sacked the boss and spent millions on world-fucking-class. That’s United. They make me so happy. So many happy memories. So many to come. We won’t go through 8 years of turbulence or 24 years of nothing. No chance. We are Manchester United, we had the bad season and I’ll be back in August for the re. I am so fucking lucky to support Manchester United. Bring on the sun. Always bring the fucking sun. :-)

Monday, May 19

Thank You, Giggsy

To the first player I ever had on the back of my United shirt, the biggest United legend there will ever be and our future manager...

Thank you.

Sunday, May 18

Things Ed Woodard Has Done Wrong

1. The Glazers - Advising the rich Glazer family to buy Manchester United, who as a result were plunged into £600m of debt.

2. Summer 2013 - The first transfer window he was given - in which he made failed and very public attempts to sign Cesc Fabregas, Leighton Baines, Ander Herrera, Gareth Bale and Cristiano Ronaldo.

3. David Moyes - Sacking Moyes the morning after a day in which the news was already leaked to journalists, to the point that Moyes found out on social media before he was told himself.

4. Rio Ferdinand - Informing the long-serving defender that his contract would not be renewed in the dressing room after United's final game of the 2013/14 season, meaning Rio could not have any kind of sendoff with fans.

5. Sir Alex Ferguson - Managing to freeze out the biggest legend of them all from key boardroom decisions, such as the process of hiring Moyes's replacement.

6. Briefing journalists - The amount a big club like United have leaked to the press over the years has always been worrying. Understandably, it's a staff of thousands and some stuff is simply uncontrollable. But Fergie and Gill kept their transfer business generally secretive and they even rewarded the other clubs involved for doing the same. This kept a nice stability and shrewdness about United. While some info will always be uncontrollable - such as the player who leaked team news to The Mirror under Moyes - Woodward has made it his business to brief journalists about our business. This may be to unsettle players and work in our favour, but given that it is yet to work even once, it seems, I'd rather he followed the previous model and not humiliate the club so publicly.

7. - Coming soon... :-(

Ed may love the power of being 'in charge' of the world's biggest football club, but his handling of decisions and insensitivity is harming the club's image of being a big family with class.

Please, whichever Glazer has the most power, get this fuckwit out of my club.

Tuesday, April 22

I Like The Guy, But It Hurts To See Good Men Fail

"Still behind him?"

This was the message I sent a fellow red on Monday, about one hour before rumours of David Moyes's sacking started to emerge.

I wanted it to work, I really liked the guy. But something about Sunday's performance against Everton felt like the lowest of the low.

How, after having a full week further than Everton to prepare, did we look naive to the attacking threat of Coleman and Baines? Any fuckwit who half-follows the Premier League will know about those two this season.

It was just so depressing. I backed Moyes all the way, but I can't help but think it's the right decision to get rid. Business-wise, of course it's sensible.

Football-wise, it probably makes sense; he's not shown enough tactical or even mental prowess to turn things around. Is he screaming at the changing room, encouraging them? No, probably not.

Simply, it just feels too big a risk to go another season with him.

I'm really sorry to see him go and it would have been magic - a last Ferguson milestone - for it to work. But we have to accept it hasn't worked out.

He might get it right, he might get the players to perform for him. But he might not. We don't know. And that's the problem.

I don't think we've become a Tottenham or Chelsea by hiring and firing like it means nothing. 7th is just unacceptable.

I must say Ed Woodward's handling of the sacking has been yet another fuck-up. Why is he briefing journalists? He's humiliating the class of Manchester United and humiliating Moyes, and he should be ashamed. When is he going to leave?

If I was CEO, I'd have sacked Moyes on the day those cunts across the motorway get their title-cos-no-SAF-around.

Anyway, after not seeing one Utd game with Moyes in charge, I am sorry to see him go. It just hurts to see good men fail.

Wednesday, March 26

I’m Really Starting To Like The Guy

Sir Alex Ferguson is the greatest football manager of all time. We should kiss the fucking ground every fucking day that we lived through his reign. He took Manchester United to the greatest heights of all. And as a United fan, I’m more grateful than he could know.

Being the biggest football club in the world, however, can be troubling. We attract a lot of people, and where there’s a lot of people, a lot of those people will inevitably be fuckwits. By which I mean, utter fucking morons who don’t even deserve to call United their team.

These are the people who feel entitled and spoilt and believe United have a divine right to win the league. We don’t.

That left us the very second Ferguson left us. It is no doubt a strange feeling and hard to get used to, sitting outside the top position - let alone in 7th. But the thing is, these fuckwits want our new manager out before he’s even been in the job 10 months.

There are many reasons as to why we are in 7th. Our rivals have stepped the fuck up; the players haven’t stepped the fuck up; Moyes has indeed made some poor decisions.

And it has been way fucking worse than anyone would have thought it.

But I don’t want my team to be another fucking Chelsea or City or Tottenham and sack their manager when it’s not going right. I want my team to remain relaxed - maybe even live life on the edge the next couple years - and wait for Moyes to get it right.

We don’t have a right to win anything and the more the fuckwits believe that, they can fuck off and support a team who does. It’ll be a hard couple of years, but if Moyes isn’t the guy, he deserves the time to figure it out.

We won’t become a small team after 20 years, this is not the end of Manchester United and it’s ridiculous to think otherwise. The empire Ferguson built can take a couple years without gold. We will come back stronger and hopefully Moyes will take us there.

... And all this pressure and talk of him needing to go, I’m really starting to like the guy.