Tuesday, August 26

The Please Fuck Off You Don’t Deserve To Play For Manchester United List

1996. Sunday night in late October. I was 10.

It was some girl’s Bat Mitzvah. Some family friend or something. Can’t remember who.

I was with my parents, and their friend Howard - the dad of a friend of mine - told me Manchester United had lost 5-0 to Newcastle just before.

I laughed a lot. Didn’t believe him. Thought he was simply kidding. The whole night, I thought it was a joke. I didn’t even think about it after he told me. Cos it was such a ridiculous thing to say.

Then, went home. Discovered he wasn’t joking. Cried, shock, how the?!

That kind of gasp at seeing United lose by such a ridiculous result was, luckily, a rare occurrence over the last 20 years. It happened, but only once every few years.

We’ve just lost 4-0 to Milton Keynes Dons. After finishing 7th. Despite having a new manager. Despite us being Manchester United and they being Milton fucking Keynes.

I trust LVG. It’s just not his fault. Yes, we shouldn’t be playing three at the fucking back. But it’s his third game. He is still figuring out the lay of the land.

Here is a list of players who I want to leave, in order of who I hate the most. I call it the Please Fuck Off You Don’t Deserve To Play For Manchester United list:


I hope and pray that at least one of these overpaid, undeserving twats leaves before next Monday. Otherwise, the memory of that Sunday night in October 1996 really will start to fade. :-(

Saturday, August 16

Poem: The One With The Bad Season

Very blessed last 20 years. Ridiculously blessed. Wow. Saw everything. Moscow. Wow. Thought of supporting another never crossed my mind. Once United, that was it. Didn’t even think about it. Would I have if we weren’t so successful? Maybe. Not sure. Can’t ever say. Was too young. I reckon, once hit something like 8/9, no. But didn’t even cross my mind. Remember Barca 0-4 thing. But my mind was complexed. I was 8. But I didn’t change. We were successful and I lapped it up. Big time. Everything. But last season. Jesus. I wasn’t there. I didn’t go. I was travelling the world. First time in possibly a decade I didn’t go once and first time ain’t used ST for 7 years. Crazy how that worked out. Unfair that football will never really change the spectrum, you know. It is. That’s true. But it’s the way it is. I can’t help growing up in this era, or supporting my boys in first place. We should always be up there. It’s our god-fucking-given right. We should. We’re not a true money club like City or Chelsea. Last season as bad as it’ll ever get. We won’t finish outside Top 4 for years. Really think that. Feels fucking horrible but I wasn’t there - post-SAF season. Not gonna feel bad about Utd success. I’m supposed to support them. And that we did 7th, we sacked the boss and spent millions on world-fucking-class. That’s United. They make me so happy. So many happy memories. So many to come. We won’t go through 8 years of turbulence or 24 years of nothing. No chance. We are Manchester United, we had the bad season and I’ll be back in August for the re. I am so fucking lucky to support Manchester United. Bring on the sun. Always bring the fucking sun. :-)